Do I understand?

This afternoon my thoughts have fallen back on my great depravity. I don't understand.

I deserve nothing but the wrath of God. He controls the "giveth" and "taketh" of all humans. The great Creator, God, has every right to punish me to eternal damnation in hell. Look at my life. I'm bleeding from the inside out. The drink I take with my hands is splendid and glorious but the stomach it falls into is morbid and dead. Why so evil am I? Look at my dirty hands? I can look and see so many failing points in my life. Look at the way I treat her, him, them, and even myself. What am I doing? My sin is ugly. God looks at my sin and sees a vile bottle of Hell. Is this what I have to offer to Him who is mighty and pure? How glorifying is my life?

How do I deserve anything? If posted at the city gates, my sins would condemn me to wear a scarlet letter and take the blame. I deserve nothing. I don't deserve the job, friends, car, family, money, and food I eat. Why eat a meal today? I don't deserve it. I only deserve Hell. Where am I to go but down?

I'm stuck on "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Yes, I have sinned and I can't make anything more of it. Like a dog I continually come back to my vomit. How pitiful? I don't understand.

I don't understand the gospel. Never before has my sin been so exposed in my thoughts and dreams. Those closest to me can clearly see the exposition of my great sin. How unworthy am I? I am only understanding half the gospel, but the other half is too far to be seen. I see the 2nd half of the gospel on a page, but I don't understand. I've told many people in my lifetime about the gospel but I still don't understand myself. I have faith that God can use a man who only understands half of the gospel to somehow deliver the full gospel message to someone else's heart. But how big must the gap be that I don't understand the 2nd half of the Gospel?

I don't understand.

The second half of the gospel is clearly wrapped in Jesus Christ. I believe he was God in human flesh. I believe he lived a pure life. I believe he came to save man. But do I really believe he is the great Messiah? Do I believe he, the spotless lamb, shed his blood for me? Yes, for me? Do I believe he is the mediator to God? He is the bridge to salvation? He is the way, the truth and life? Do I believe he has "caused us" Christians to repent and know the true love and the true joy? Do I believe man even has a chance to live eternally in heaven? Do I believe sinful humans can even deserve breathe, life, family, love, relationships, money, and food?

I don't understand.

To fully comprehend the truth in the whole Gospel is beyond my imagination. I see it and I have faith it is true. But do I fully understand it?

The Gospel story takes great faith to look at the depravity of man and know Christ's cleansing hand upon us. The truth is told in the Bible so man must have this great faith. God loves us as humans even in the midst of our heavy sin. He also proves that his love endures and never fails, and our sin to him is never too heavy. He wipes our sins clean because his son Jesus Christ already paid the greatest debt on the Cross. Jesus shed the blood for us so we don't have to die and go to Hell. God also tells us he has given us grace through saving grace and common grace. No, we don't deserve anything but God's rather, but through God's grace he has given us great hope in knowing he works for the good of those who love him (Rom. 8:28).

The Gospel is why we must eat our daily meals and give praise to God. The Gospel is why we must love our families and give praise to God. The Gospel is why we must delight in all relationships and give praise to God who defines our greatest relationship. The Gospel is why we must rejoice to God when we are blessed with money. The Gospel is why we must praise God for job opportunities. Bottom line, the Gospel is a gift from God that we must receive and give all glory to him who deserves everything.

God deserves all our praise, and he ultimately deserves all our lives. He desires for all of us to grasp the gift of the Gospel, which is wrapped in his son Jesus Christ. He wants to see us share the great news of the gift of salvation freely bestowed upon us.

Even though I know the Gospel as truth, I pray I will eventually be able to fully understand the whole Gospel. If there was any prayer request, may we all pray that we would daily come to fully know the whole Gospel. Yes, we are great sinners, but God has administered his grace upon us through his son Jesus Christ. Now, may his Holy Spirit guide us to this truth every day we live.